ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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