Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
