It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
