Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
