got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
