Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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