First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
