Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
