..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
