I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
