fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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