Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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