So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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