DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She said her name was "party"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
