i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it glows. i had to have it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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