It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
