i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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