In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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