i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Randomize
