I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize