yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
