Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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