4 words: hood of his car
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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