it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
