did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
