Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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