We're facebook friends in real life
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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