woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I intend to get homeless drunk
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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