Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
