i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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