is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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