Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
