If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
