I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
