Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
