What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
