I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
