So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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