I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
