rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
