i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
