I want to have your abortion
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
