how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
