one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
