If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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