it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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