p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
