that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Randomize
