guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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