Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This is my gift to your gina
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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