if you like me you must not know who I am
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
