Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i will never coherently bang her
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
