i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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