i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
