I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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