You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
