So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
