i already hear my dad disowning me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
