Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
