Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
