ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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