I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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