guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
