She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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