If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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