god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
